The Circle Game

Here's a post that I started last week and am finishing in the airport. The beginning of my attempt to find closure.
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I took my last final on Wednesday, had my last day of work on Thursday. I am so very excited to come home, but leaving Parliament for the last time was a little heartbreaking. Yesterday, I came in to find a Starbucks gingerbread latte (from Zoe)  and a small stack of Christmas cards from my co-workers on my desk. In return, I brought in the chocolate chip oatmeal cookies I had baked the night before as my final goodbye present ("You're a real American!" said the MP next door upon tasting one). And I realized: I'm going to miss this.

What else will I miss about London? The walk to school (even on the days that it seemed interminably long), the sights and sounds of a city waking up in the morning. Trafalgar Square filled with tourists who shyly ask you to take their picture in broken English. Exmouth Market, whose competing food stalls waft exotic, mouthwatering scents over the whole block. Seven Dials, with its expensive and delightful shops, including vintage stores that sell American letter jackets as rare anomalies. Mostly, though, I think I'll miss the community we formed in London. 150 students living in two adjacent buildings, make-believing we are real people with little households to come home to at night. In a sense, it wasn't make-believe at all, because we did create a place that felt like a home. One of my very favorite parts of the day was coming back to the flats around 6:00 pm and climbing the six flights of stairs as the smell of cooking and strains of conversation escaped from the doors around me.

On the one hand, we didn't live fully as Londoners because we always had our own little safety net of familiarity to fall back into. On the other hand, though, we experienced it all and were able to recuperate and empathize when small parts of Europe bothered us. We commiserated about the high prices, the great effort involved in getting from one place to another, and the polite but sometimes distant people. We marveled at the architectural splendors, the eccentricities of the culture, and the independence that came with living in a city sans parietals.

What will it be like when we go back to the US? Marvelous and comfortable. Surprising. Disconcerting. But right now, it sounds completely wonderful. I'm coming back to London someday, and when I do I can't wait to rediscover the places I went and the shortcuts I took, to tell stories of memories that I have of the park to the right or the statue up ahead. Before I can return, though, I must leave, which is to say I must return to a different place: home. Leaving is returning.


"You say goodbye and I say hello / I don't know why you say goodbye, I say hello..." 


And on that note, bye for now.